Is there something you always take with you when you leave the house? Something you need to have within arm’s reach all the time. Is there something that, when you lose it temporarily (and we all do), your heart starts to race and you experience feelings of panic?

I know I could answer “yes” to all of those questions. A lot of people can. So what is that “something?” A smartphone. That device that in little more than a decade has become an essential part of our daily lives.

Some people ask if this is a good thing. That is definitely a question that has been debated. However, rather than talking about the pros or cons of technology, I want to talk about things for you to be aware of when it comes to the relationship you have with your own phone.

Yes, I mean a relationship with all its complications, benefits, and drawbacks. Like with all relationships, it’s important to take an honest look at its health and sustainability.

Is your phone taking the place of face-to-face contact?  

There is no question that our smartphones have replaced face-to-face—or even voice-to-voice—conversations in everyday life. How much easier is it to just send a quick text message than to call someone and have an actual conversation or to meet them somewhere and catch up?

Texting is efficient and convenient. It’s a great way to get a quick answer to a question or let someone know you’re thinking about them. But that efficiency and convenience take away from the face-to-face contact we all crave. As a society, we’re moving away from knowing how to connect in a way we’re biologically wired to do.

Social media and online communities provide us with nearly endless opportunities to “connect” with other people. And that’s great, right?

Not exactly. Those very platforms where we think we’re being social are actually taking away what heals us—direct human interaction and community. Online communities absolutely have value and can be helpful (you know I love Instagram), but remember that nothing takes the place of face-to-face communication. Make sure you make space for it in your life. 

Are you using your phone to medicate or avoid?  

When you reach for your phone, take a moment to think about why you need it right then. Are you bored? Lonely? Are there feelings you are avoiding? Is your phone feeding something inside of you?

I know when I’m feeling bored or stressed, I like to reach for my phone and scroll Instagram or do some online shopping. Now neither of those activities is a problem unless I’m using them to avoid dealing with my feelings or I’m doing them to excess.

Everything we do to excess or to avoid is negative because it is keeping us from stillness. By avoiding stillness, we are robbing ourselves of the peace and healing that comes from being truly still. This applies far beyond how much time you spend on your phone. People avoid stillness in many ways.

Even things we assume are okay or even good for us, when done to excess, can be a problem. I know people who work out too much, who clean and tidy their homes to excess, or who overfill their days in order to stay busy—being fit, keeping a clean home, and being productive sound positive. And they are when done to a reasonable degree. But any activity that is used to avoid stillness can be an issue.

Notice how much content is coming at you via your phone and whether it is keeping you from being truly present.

We’ve all had the experience of being with someone who is more interested in what is happening on their phone than they are in being present with and having a conversation with us. Take an honest look at the role your phone is playing in your relationships with others. Are you holding space for the important people in your life and being truly present when you are with them?

Are you overstimulated by your phone? 

You wake up in the morning, immediately reach for your phone, and see an email you need to attend to. Instead of waking up naturally, your whole system now gets activated. 

 Our smartphones have become constant sympathetic arousers. Instead of truly allowing ourselves to have downtime, we now immediately grab our phones. Think about the last time you were waiting in line for more than a moment. If you looked around you, how many people were on their phones? Were you? Instead of simply being in the moment, taking the time to breathe, or noticing what’s going on around us, we fill that space with more stimulation.

I’m not making judgments about how and how much we use our phones. I’m asking you to take the time to be more aware of why you’re reaching for your phone. What is it keeping you from feeling?

Next steps

Consider taking a look at your relationship with your phone. If you suspect you are using it as a way to medicate or avoid feelings, think about setting some simple boundaries for yourself. Leave your phone in the other room for a period of time. Think about keeping your phone on the other side of the room or in another room altogether so you are not able to check it upon waking up.

If you feel you have an unhealthy relationship with your phone, where you spend an excessive amount of time on it as a way to escape from your feelings - and need additional support - schedule an appointment with our team now.

Are you escaping your feelings and spending an excessive about of time on your phone? Do you want to learn a new way of being?

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