Have you met your inner teenager? 

There are nearly as many stereotypes about teenagers as there are teenagers themselves. They’re moody, rebellious, and awkward. They react without thinking and don’t want to be told what to do by anyone. Teens often feel invincible and aren’t afraid to put themselves out there and take risks.

The teen years are filled with feelings that take you by surprise with their intensity and unpredictability. A teenager may flip someone the bird if they feel they are being controlled, but they’ll also protect themselves and those they care about fiercely.

And teenagers’ eye-rolling and door-slamming talents? Second to none.

While it’s true that you’ve left the teen years behind (and thank goodness for that), your teenage self hasn’t entirely left you. You have an inner teenager inside who shows up from time to time. Usually, with good reason and almost always with good intentions. Your inner teenager develops over time as a way to help you manage your world.

Understanding your inner teenager and when and why she comes out can help you identify your triggers as well as patterns and issues in relationships.

Does everyone have an inner teenager? 

We all have an inner child and an inner teenager. They both reflect experiences and feelings from the past and react to experiences happening today. It is important to let all parts of you be present and feel welcomed. Integrating your inner child and inner teenager into how you respond within your relationships is also essential.

Your inner teenager is often conflicted. She wants to be seen and sometimes to rebel, yet she also wants to be hidden away. She wants to be left alone but also to feel like she’s part of something bigger. Your inner teenager is the keeper of some big emotions and confused feelings. She is also deeply and fiercely loyal and protective, sometimes prone to big reactions. Remember the outbursts you had as a teen? The feelings that felt a bit out of control?

Offer your inner teenager the space she needs to experience those feelings and heal. 

When does your inner teenager come out? 

It is important to remember that it is never about disowning parts of ourselves. Instead, when you feel your inner teenager showing up, ask yourself some questions. 

• What does it look like when my inner teenager shows up? 

• What is happening at this moment that I am reacting to? 

• What is she protecting me from feeling?
  

Times when you feel controlled, shamed, or belittled may alert your inner teenager that her protection is needed. Her reactions may be strong and surprising. Take the time to listen to her. She may be reacting to a new partner who is trying to control you or a friend who constantly criticizes you. She may even react to something seemingly unimportant.

Imagine you are scrolling through your social media feed. You come upon a post that makes you feel as if your lifestyle and choices are being questioned. Your choices, goals, and even the causes you support feel as if they are under attack. Suddenly, you feel yourself reacting strongly to these indirect slights and criticisms. That is your inner teenager resisting being controlled and told what to do and how to behave.

The messages your inner teenager gives you are worth listening to. Take the time to notice when she shows up and why. As you begin to heal past wounds and make space for all the parts of yourself, you will notice a change. The protective, more resistant part of you represented by your inner teenager will begin to soften, but her strength will remain.

How should you talk to your inner teenager? 

Just like when you were a teenager, your inner teenager can be challenging to deal with. It can be easy to be critical of and impatient with this part of yourself. Try not to be. Your inner teenager needs kindness and understanding. Realize and remember that she is still healing from past wounds.

When your inner teenager is out, make space for her. Notice when she comes out and look for patterns or triggers. Take time to consider what the mother inside of you would say to your inner teenager.

Try something like, “Thank you for being here. You don’t need to be so critical or act like that, but I understand. It makes sense that you are trying to avoid feeling ugly or unworthy. I understand.” Simply allow those feelings to surface and be heard.

Give your inner teenager the same space and unconditional love that you need in your present life. As you take the time to listen to and acknowledge all the parts of yourself, old wounds have a chance to start to heal.

Next steps

We all have an inner teenager. Just like we all have an inner child and an inner mother. It is so important to allow all of them to be part of you, not disowning any of them. Notice when your inner teenager comes out. There may be something she is trying to draw your attention to — a relationship that is unhealthy or a situation that is not serving you. Much of what your inner teenager is holding on to are core wounds that were built during that season of your life.

Do you want to learn what those core wounds are and begin the process of healing them?

Click here to learn more about our mini-course, Understanding Your Core Wounds.