Attraction & the Effects of Adrenaline on Your Body and Your Relationship
Did you ever write your initials and those of your crush’s inside of a heart? Or spend time doodling hearts in the margins of your math homework? I know I wasn’t the only one! When you got your first box of candy for Valentine’s Day, chances are the box was in the shape of a heart.
What if I told you the heart is not where those feelings of love and excitement come from? What if the box of delicious (or sometimes not delicious) candies should have been shaped like a brain?
Yes, the brain. Gray matter. That somewhat oddly shaped organ with mysterious ridges and grooves. We think of the brain as being the keeper of our knowledge - the place we store our childhood best friend’s phone number and the names and backstories of all the characters of our favorite television shows. It’s the source of our intellect and our personalities. But that’s not the entire story...
The brain, rather than the heart, is actually the star when it comes to falling in love.
Surprised? When you fall in love (or think you’ve fallen in love), your brain is flooded with chemicals in the form of hormones. It’s these chemicals that cause feelings of pleasure, intense focus, and attachment.
So what are these hormones and what happens when they take hold in your brain? Different hormones have a variety of effects on your brain, body, and behavior. Today we’re going to focus on the beginning of the story.
Your love story starts with attraction. It starts with adrenaline.
What is adrenaline?
Your heart beats uncomfortably fast. You start sweating… and you’re not working out or standing in the hot sun. And your stomach? Is that nausea or a whole neighborhood of butterflies having a dance party? You’ve suddenly lost your appetite. Your symptoms could indicate a heart attack, the flu, or an anxiety attack. They could also mean something very different…
You could be falling in love.
It’s true. The beginning stages of falling in love can look a lot like coming down with an illness.
Your adrenal glands secrete adrenaline when you are excited. It doesn’t matter if the excitement is due to jumping out of a plane, narrowly avoiding an accident, or meeting someone to whom you are strongly attracted.
This fascinating hormone suppresses some of your body’s functions while heightening others. After all, adrenaline is a survival hormone. Your body releases adrenaline whenever you are in danger. And your body knows that meeting someone new is scary and filled with uncertainty. The presence of adrenaline in your system allows you to pursue the attraction in spite of your fears. To survive falling in love.
What are the effects of adrenaline on your body?
You’re attracted to someone new. Or it could be a sudden attraction to someone you’ve known for a while. Before you have time to analyze what you’re feeling, your brain starts sending signals to your body, and your body responds.
The results:
Increased heart rate
Dilated eyes
Increased sweating
Heightened anxiety and nervousness
Decreased appetite
Decreased ability to concentrate
You experience a quick release of adrenaline at the mere sight of the object of your attraction. The hormone causes blood vessels to dilate, improving the flow of oxygen and blood through the body. The result? A becoming (and sometimes embarrassing) pinkening of your cheeks.
Adrenaline also causes feelings of lust which can cause your heart to race, your palms to sweat, and your head to “spin.” Sexual attraction is high at this point in your relationship. Calm, clear headed thinking is not.
Can the adrenaline rush last?
This initial attraction stage of a relationship won’t last. It can’t last. And, despite the excitement those intense feelings bring, it shouldn’t last. Because during the attraction stage, you tend to be fixated on your partner, seeing their good parts and turning a blind eye - or simply not noticing - those parts of them that are less than desirable.
Have you ever thought, “what does she see in him?” about someone one of your friends is dating? Of course you have. I know I have. And chances are, your friend has had the same thought about some of the objects of your attraction.
It’s during the attraction phase that your judgement can be clouded by lust. The old phrase “love is blind” has stood the test of time for a reason. It’s during this stage that you tend to idealize your partner, seeing only the things you want to see.
It’s important to maintain your sense of self during this stage of your relationship. The temptation is strong to give all of your time, attention, and effort to this new relationship and this new person. Doing this, however, can set some patterns that are not conducive to a long-term relationship. Your autonomy may be lost. You may neglect other important relationships.
What comes next?
Remaining in this adrenaline-fueled state isn’t sustainable. And, even though it can be thrilling and filled with excitement, it’s not a place you’d want to stay long-term. Remember, the goal is to build a sustainable relationship built on trust, security, and mutual respect. A relationship fueled by adrenaline alone will never meet that goal.
Luckily, after a period of time, other hormones take over for adrenaline. This hyper-focused early stage of love is replaced by feelings of well-being and security. The kind of feelings you need to build a lasting relationship.
Your chances of a successful relationship increase when you come into it in a state of feeling and being Self-full®. When you are Self-full®, you are willing to give to a relationship but know that you deserve to be given to as well. You feel full and confident in your worth and worthiness as a partner. You are ready to love and be loved through all the stages of a relationship.
Do you want to learn more about what you need to attract the right partner for you?
We have a blueprint for building a sustainable and fulfilling relationship called Success Tools for Online Dating that will help you understand your needs using proven techniques from our therapy practice. To learn more about this powerful course, click here.