How Can Glinda the Good Witch Help You Avoid a Toxic Relationship?
Close your eyes and picture the moment when Glinda the Good Witch first appears in The Wizard of Oz. She floats onto the scene in what looks like a pink bubble, golden crown sparkling, ball gown swaying back and forth as she lands. And that wand… every little girl watching wanted a wand just like hers. It’s a moment of movie magic, plain and simple.
Somehow you just know Glinda is going to be an important part of Dorothy’s story. So when the story is coming to an end and it seems like Dorothy may not find her way back to Kansas, it’s not surprising that Glinda is the one with the answer. In a voice filled with certainty and a hint of rebuke, she delivers the line Dorothy needs to hear.
“You always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.”
A relationship can be like a yellow brick road
Navigating your relationship with your partner can feel like your own yellow brick road filled with twists, turns, and an uncertain destination. It’s important to examine your relationship for patterns and pay close attention to how much time you spend feeling like you’re stranded in the woods like the Tin Man or waiting fearfully for the Flying Monkeys to return.
If your relationship lacks safety, it may be characterized by brief periods of connection separated by longer times of distance or even abuse. It’s time to pay attention. These patterns could indicate that you are experiencing intermittent reinforcement in your relationship with your partner.
Intermittent reinforcement finds you getting just enough of what you need to keep you waiting around during the more frequent times when you - and your needs - are being dismissed. Experiencing the rush those moments of closeness bring can make it easy to get “hooked on” a relationship.
While every relationship faces bumps in the road, no matter the color of that road, patterns of distance and pursuit are not healthy. They do not provide the safety that is the foundation of a truly intimate relationship. Take the time to recognize if this pattern exists in your relationship and, if it does, take steps to change it.
The reasons people stay in a toxic relationship are as varied as the people themselves. Some common reasons include:
Fear of being alone
Fear of change
The relationship feels familiar
Glinda’s words are for you, too
Whether you’re in a toxic relationship and need to get out or you are seeking a new relationship, it is important to remember those wise words spoken by a good witch.
You do have the power. It is inside of you.
It starts with loving yourself. True self-love means showing up for yourself unconditionally and being honest by taking responsibility. Self-love is allowing yourself to be fully human - flaws and all.
Loving yourself does not mean blind acceptance of areas of your life that need to be changed. It is more than trips to the spa and sipping herbal tea.
Self-love is active. It’s asking yourself tough questions and recognizing where changes need to be made. You can work on yourself and still love yourself at the same time.
It’s time to meet your new best friend
When you are self-less in a relationship, you give too much of yourself. You place so much importance and attention on meeting the needs of your partner that your needs are not met. Being self-less is a form of inner abandonment.
You can move to a place where you are capable of meeting your own needs. Where you can come to a relationship filled with autonomy and independence. You can step out of old patterns and get your needs met. You can be Self-full®.
Becoming Self-full® is a process. You must learn the source of your core wounds and recognize how they are being reenacted in your relationships. Gaining this awareness and changing your beliefs allows you the freedom to express yourself in healthy ways. This then leads to balanced relationships.
When you are Self-full®, you have a stable sense of self-esteem and self-worth. You understand you are lovable and valuable. Maintaining healthy internal and external boundaries allow you to say no in order to care for yourself. By filling yourself up with love and compassion, you have love to give others… without exhausting yourself.
Being Self-full® allows you to be your own best friend. You have the power, my dear. You just need to learn it for yourself.
Glinda would approve.
Do you want to understand your core wounds and embedded patterns?
Click here to learn more about our mini-course, Understanding Your Core Wounds, where you will learn how to become conscious of your patterns and begin healing them.