You can change your thoughts. You can come up with new mantras, You can do the cognitive work until the cows come home. But you’re likely still going to be left realizing that non of it is really helping.
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As humans, since the day of our birth, we are wired for connection.
As children, we rely on our caregivers for this connection. If our parents aren’t able to give us the love, affection, or means we need to feel safe in this world, we will adapt by choosing other ways of behaving to hopefully receive the feeling of connection we need.