Many of us, thanks to society, have a skewed idea of what love should look and feel like. We’ve seen Disney movies where the prince comes to save the day, and they live happily ever after. For people with an anxious attachment, this possibility of a fantasy-like relationship can often lead us down the road of building a relationship off of limerence instead of love. You cling to the idea that someone is coming to save you so you never have to be alone again.

Attachment Theory, developed by John Bowlby and expanded upon by Mary Ainsworth, has given so many of us the tools to understand how we form emotional bonds and attachments in our relationships. From our earliest days, we are seeking connection, safety, love, and to have our physical needs met. Depending on how those needs were received by our primary caregivers leads to how we formed attachments.

For many, the last two-plus years have felt like trying to navigate through a nightmare, or some version of the Twilight Zone, where all of their deepest insecurities were glaringly impossible to run from. Throughout the pandemic, just about everyone has gone through one experience or another that felt like the ground was pulled out from underneath them.

As humans, since the day of our birth, we are wired for connection.
As children, we rely on our caregivers for this connection. If our parents aren’t able to give us the love, affection, or means we need to feel safe in this world, we will adapt by choosing other ways of behaving to hopefully receive the feeling of connection we need.

As humans, we are all born with the potential to love everything and everyone equally and unconditionally. Ideally, we are also able to trust that everyone loves us in the same way. But, of course, life experience teaches us that this is not necessarily the case.