Oh, the anxious-avoidant dance. This relationship often seems doomed to fail, but that isn’t always the case (although, sometimes, it is, and that’s okay too). While we know that no relationship is perfect (because no one is perfect), the anxious-avoidant partnership is a little more complicated.

By today’s standards, most people think safe = boring. But when it comes to relationships, this couldn't be further from the truth…

Safety, in this sense, doesn’t mean bland. It means setting the space and allowing for healthy communication and freedom of expression within the relationship.

One steps forward, the other steps back. One explodes outward, leaving everything on the table, the other shuts down and pulls everything inward. These are the makings of what I call the anxious-avoidant dance.
As adults, we all have what’s called an attachment style. While different people may bring out different sides of us, we tend to be either anxious, avoidant, or secure.

They give you the silent treatment for days without any reason why, then show up unannounced at your door with flowers. They berate you with insults and meanness, only to end the conversation with a sudden moment of kindness. While this may sound like the chemistry-ridden ebb and flow of an exciting relationship, it’s not… It’s actually what leads to “trauma bonding.”

If we aren’t careful, our relationship life can become a crash course of one extreme after another. Once we realize “what’s wrong,” we immediately rebel to the opposite… thinking the complete opposite of “what’s wrong” will provide us with the answer.